The NYC Subway Really Missed the Mark With This One
A few things are certain in life: death, taxes, and people making stupid decisions. We understand that the NYC subway wanted to make the place feel safer, but is removing all of the benches really the best they could think of? Any New Yorker knows that riding the subway can be quite the experience, and thanks to the clever minds behind the NYC subway system, it's now also become more difficult.
We guess now people should just bring their own seats to the subway. We are sure the NYC subway staff will love that. Seems like they just shot themselves in the foot with this one.
All Sorts of Hidden Messages
Wow, we can't believe we never noticed that Delta and Omicron mixed together spell media control. Just kidding - we can definitely believe it. This guy over here is taking conspiracy levels to a new extreme. Should we be concerned? We don't think that "hidden messages" are gonna win you this argument, pal. Nice try, though. We will give you points for creativity. But at the end of the day, "erotic almond" won our love.
Erotic Almond person - we don't know who you are but thank you for making us laugh through the pain. We love a good comeback. Hopefully, the Media Control guy does too.
Jesse Needs to Learn That Sometimes, Less Is More
Jesse here has a solid plan. Because that's why you would need a gun - to take over a plane and get your sick son to Italy for treatment - not, let's say, for self-defense. Out of all the options out there, we can't believe this is the argument he came up with. A child could come up with better arguments for gun ownership than Jesse. Less is more, especially when trying to get a message across. We have a feeling Jesse has been watching too many action movies.
We suggest watching less action-packed movies in favor of something calmer. Like, maybe a nice Pixar film movie or even a 90's romantic comedy. Anything except for Mission Impossible for this guy.
This Guy Who Thinks He Can Outsmart Science
This person was trying to write their college thesis on why vaccines are bad. But when they couldn't find a single scholarly source inside the school library that supported that thesis, they thought it best to ask the internet for help. This is just a thought, but maybe if you can't find any research backing your thesis then you need to rethink your entire thesis... Just saying. No offense to this student but if you searched deep already, we doubt random people on Facebook will be able to give you what you want.
We have to admit, we are curious to know what they ended up writing their college thesis about. Hopefully not about a topic that requires help from strangers on Facebook.
Apparently Love Means Giving up on Your Dreams
We would love to know what this girl's boyfriend did to earn five fully paid scholarships. Or maybe he lied and got zero scholarships? Don't come for us, it's just a theory. But if it's true, it seems like a waste to turn down that kind of opportunity just to stay in the same place as your girlfriend. We think this girlfriend needs to trade her rose-tinted glasses for some very clear, high-prescription glasses before her boyfriend turns down any more scholarships.
And if this dude really did turn down five scholarships for his girlfriend - we really do encourage everyone to follow their hearts, but don't forget to take your brain with you!
When the News Gets Called Out
On a more serious note, this kid is amazing, and it's truly heartbreaking that he is selling hand-made keychains to get his classmates out of their lunch debt at school. But also shout out to him: Some of us can hardly draw a stick figure, let alone make our own homemade keychains. Not all heroes wear capes for sure. Also, while some of us are still struggling to understand the bank system, this 8-year-old kid is a full-on business entrepreneur.
He should consider motivational speaking as a career move. We feel outsmarted by a kid, and CNN was outsmarted by this Twitter user who called out this entire situation. It's funny how the world works sometimes, isn't it?
Big Brother Is Watching
What would we do without this person who just informed us data from facial recognition technology is being sent to the government? Oh, we must take a moment to appreciate the irony of using social media to enlighten us about how the government stalks us when social media also acts as Big Brother. Should we break the news to them, or nah? You know what they say, ignorance is bliss. But, really, has this person been living under a rock - what do they think about surveillance cameras and electronic registers and reports?
Or better yet, like Tash THEE Bae pointed out, has this person heard of driver's licenses? Yeah, the original government facial recognition system goes way back, and we bet this person's been registered.
This Person Who Wants Us to Stop Thinking
According to this person, having access to healthcare and other necessities for free means America is about to be destroyed by Satan. Listen, if Satan wants to shower us with free things and determine it's on the house, then Satan is our new best friend. We sure aren't going to say no to free things! And if that's wrong, we don't want to be right. Sue us. Okay, fine, we don't actually want to be besties with Satan. But this person's post has got us all sorts of confused. Are we the only ones?
Apparently, this person blames all these bad things on people's "free thinking." Do they want us all to stop thinking freely and follow someone like robots? Someone, please help us understand.
When You Claim Your Body Is a Temple but History Says Otherwise
Regardless of where you stand on the topic of vaccinations, we can probably all agree this person just got told - big time. Not that we should judge people by their past actions, but this person's got a point when they say "You did meth. I think you will survive the vaccine." Clearly, their friend's body has gone through much worse than a COVID vaccine and come through on the other side.
Although we gotta say, it's pretty savage to call someone out on Facebook like that. Maybe a private message would be better next time you're calling someone out like this.
We Want to Meet His Dad
Someone call some help for this guy. Honestly, we feel bad for John that he thinks a father giving his son a kiss on the cheek is an "inappropriate" interaction. If this picture makes him uncomfortable, what else does he deem questionable? A hug?! We can't help but wonder what he considers as a "normal" father/son interaction if this isn't one. Luckily, we have Jeff here tweeting back to remind parents not to raise kids like John.
Jeff here really is demonstrating the importance of public service by putting people in their place. But seriously, we wonder what kind of childhood John had.
Oh, the Irony
Apparently, this picture was taken at an anti-immigration protest. And if you're wondering where it happened, it was in the United States of America. We wouldn't blame you for asking since this bunch is clearly not waving the flag of the US of A. As our Twitter pal here pointed out, this group of protestors is holding flags of a country that literally doesn't exist. That flag was defeated back in 1865.
So, please, next time someone is protesting for people to leave the United States of America, at least use the correct flag. If not, it's just confusing. And we won't always have some nice Twitter users to explain things.
Aren't Them All Planets Was Flat?
The second-hand embarrassment we get from reading this is real. It's just so cringe-inducing. If these are the young minds of the future, we are scared. On a lighter note, if you can ignore the abomination that is the grammar of that status, this guy does raise an interesting question: Do flat-earthers also believe that the rest of the planets are flat, too? How far does their flat conspiracy go?
Guess we won't know the answer for that from this picture because it seems that the members of the "flat earth society" are too busy roasting his grammar to actually answer him.
At Least Someone's Asking the Important Questions
Quote of the day: "Trust your Cells, not science." Sadly, our cells don't produce knowledge or answers. They are busy doing other things, like making sure we stay alive. This dude would know that if he brushed up on some Biology. Okay, okay, so it was probably a typo. We're guessing this guy meant to write, "Trust yourself, not science." But either way, he set himself up to be roasted. And we're clearly not the only ones who think so.
Typo or no typo, we're grateful this internet moment happened. The whole Twitter interaction, especially this guy asking how humans found out we have cells to begin with, really has us giggling behind our screens. Spoiler alert: we learned that through science.
Customer Service Can Be Stupid, Too
The level of stupidity is on a whole other level here. But we're sure grateful this entire situation went down because Mr. My Lamp Never Arrived had the best response ever to Tom asking him for pictures of the product he never received. Just look at it: the dissatisfied customer sent not one, not two, not three, but five entire pictures of his hand holding... nothing. He truly committed to the cause.
After providing us with such good entertainment, we certainly hope he ended up getting his lamp. And we hope Tom got a good laugh out of how this person responded to his ridiculousness.
This Guy Needs to Brush up on His Math Skills
Fun Fact: After the success of the McDonald’s quarter-pound burger, A&W tried to capitalize on the success and introduced a third-pound burger, which is bigger than a quarter. But despite it having more meat for your buck, the third quarter-pound failed because Americans believed the opposite! We know that math is not everyone's strong suit but it's hard to ignore the fact that 0.33 is literally bigger than 0.25.
Do you think this guy's head exploded when he finally realized that a third-quarter burger is actually more than a quarter pounder? We should all be ashamed we missed out on this good deal.
And This Person Needs to Brush up on His Geography
We are offended for Alaska that people forget or don't know that it’s actually part of the United States. But the most shocking part of this status is not that this person thinks Alaska is a different country, but that this person has lived 54 years as an American citizen and still doesn't know that Alaska is part of the U.S. We wonder if that provides enough ground to revoke his/her citizenship?
We do hope that if this person decides to pay Alaska a visit, he will be met with a warm welcome. And a big surprise that his American passport is so easily accepted.
That's Just Not How Evolution Works
According to this guy, if masks were necessary, evolution would've already jumped on that and created humans born with masks rather than noses and mouths. With that logic, we can't help but wonder: What about glasses? Why haven't we evolved those - some of us do deem those as necessary for our survival, you know, in order to see and all. This seems like a pretty creative argument against masks, but it falls short.
To highlight his argument, we think Neil should just start walking around barefoot. Or maybe he should just start walking around naked, too. Also, someone get him a textbook on evolution, please.
Oh, so That's Not How You Wear a Mask?
If we are cold, we don't put on just one glove or wear only one boot. And the same pretty much applies to masks - for them to be effective they need to cover your mouth and nose. Not just your mouth or just your nose. It's not a difficult concept to grasp, and yet, it seems that so many people either don't understand it or simply don't care. Plus, there are so many benefits to wearing it properly.
See someone you didn't like in high school at the grocery store? The mask will make you unrecognizable! Seriously, we haven't said hi to anyone at the grocery store in like two years.
The Evolution of Modern Thought
This guy's got a point: How come people seem to be okay with not understanding the things scientists are doing up in space, like when NASA lands a rover on Mars, yet as soon as they can't understand something scientists do on Earth, they become convinced it's a lie? Now that we think about it, it doesn't seem like a very logical way of thinking about science and the people who work in it.
And yet no matter how much people insult their intelligence, these scientists will continue to land rovers on Mars and make amazing discoveries. And for that, we are beyond grateful.
This Person Just Got Served
We have the feeling that this person was posting a rhetorical question when they said Earth is 4,000 years old and added "Change my mind." We mean, he posted a statement that goes against most scientific theory in a group called "Against Science." Something tells us whoever wrote this was not expecting someone to actually answer. Or, at least, they didn't expect someone to answer and prove them wrong. Too bad that's exactly what happened.
Also, if you want to get technical, according to the Old Testament, the Earth is actually about 6000 years old. So it looks like no matter how we look at it, this person is wrong - there's no way our planet is just 4,000 years old.
The Worst Relationship Advice Ever
Ah, yes, the hots every woman gets for every man she's on a first-name basis with. From now on, we'll be sure to avoid calling any man we know by his first name. You know, just to make sure that we aren't cheating on our boyfriends. According to this logic, every girlfriend out there is cheating on her boyfriend if they call another man by their first name. We're afraid to know what the rest of the article entails.
Also, what is micro-cheating and how is it different from plain, old regular cheating? All we can say is that we really hope that this was part of a satirical post.
Were You Aware That 2003 Was Actually 23 Years Ago?
If you are a millennial, it is hard to grasp that people born in the early 2000s are fully functional adults now. It makes us feel old. But there is no need to skip a few years and say that people born in 2003 are already 23 years old. Remember the dude who thought Alaska was a separate country from the United States? Well, maybe he and the writer of this post can become friends, considering the latter thinks Arizona is a separate country, too.
That's right - this person doesn't consider herself an "American." She's an "Arizonian." Should we be concerned by Arizona's math curriculum? Calculating the age of someone born in 2003 just shouldn't be that complicated.
Lessons on the Economy
It's just awkward when people make up economic theories and get called out on the internet. Awkward and magical and funny, all at the same time. And it doesn't take opening a textbook to know that this logic isn't right - just look at the states that already have a higher minimum wage. As Brian so nicely pointed out, Taco Bell prices are still nice and affordable there, too.
So no, Jordan, we don't have to worry about a higher minimum wage making Taco Bell burritos cost a whopping $38. And please, let's all remember to fact-check before posting.
That's the Defintion of Irony
The last time we checked, getting sick isn't optional. "I can't get Covid because I don't believe in it" is, unfortunately, not how it works. A lot less of us would be getting sick if that was the case, and we could have groundbreaking research into the power of wishful thinking. That's not how immunity works. You can't will yourself to be covid free with the use of your thoughts alone.
And that's clearly a lesson this guy learned the hard way: his mindset was of no help when he got sick and then half of his entire office sick, too. All we can say is that we hope everyone involved in this situation is now well.
The Math Just Isn't Mathing
City-dwellers know the deal: expensive rent that has you living paycheck to paycheck yet the bank won't trust you with a mortgage lower than said expensive rent. Please, someone, make it make sense. And this ridiculousness doesn't end outside of the city, of course. Sometimes it feels like our banks took different math classes than the rest of us in school, doesn't it? The truth is, the math just isn't mathing.
But, alas, such is our reality. We guess we'll just have to continue crying inside our expensive apartments and daydreaming about being homeowners in a different reality. Like a whole other universe in a galaxy far, far away.
Language Matters, Kids
This is more fun than stupid. It's an honest mistake for someone bilingual to think that "Soy Chorizo" means "I am Chorizo" and not a chorizo made of soy. Sometimes you see what you want to see, even though the package does say "vegetarian" on it. But if this guy's only crime was a simple misunderstanding, then he's doing much better than other people on this list. Perhaps this sausage company should change their advertising, though.
Fun fact: did you know that chorizos derived their red color from the spice paprika, known as "pimenton," when the ingredient arrived in Spanish markets back in the 16th century?
Taking Petty to a Whole New Level
Were all the problems in the world solved, and we didn't get the memo? Because that's the only thing that would explain Newsmax's headline - if the media ran out of news to report. What about crime, world hunger, or student debt? Nope, that's not important or worthy of our time, guess we'll resort to attacking the President's innocent dog instead, they said! And that poor dog did nothing wrong. His only crime is being so darn cute.
Don't worry, Champ. Just remember "sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you!" Plus, Champ has his own Wikipedia page, how many dogs can say that? Definitely no "junkyard" dogs.
Horrible Bosses
Can you imagine getting fired for giving leftovers to the homeless? People like this person's boss are all that is wrong with the world. The writer of this dodged a bullet with this one after getting fired because who wants to work for such a heartless boss? "Kindness, in my store? - not on my watch!". When will employers realize that treating employees and customers with respect and kindness will benefit their business?
We can only hope, that, eventually, Karma paid this boss a visit and gave him/her a taste of his own medicine. And as for the writer of this post, we hope karma returned your kindness.
That's, Like, the Literal Definition of Ancestors
Do you ever wonder how some people make it through life when they lack basic knowledge about it? Maybe we should give this person the benefit of the doubt, and they just don't know what "ancestors" means? Why else would they want to find out whether they're related to their ancestors? Or maybe they are trolling us. Sigh, or maybe this person just needs a biology crash course. Or at the very least, censor themselves on Facebook.
If they don't know something so basic, we are curious as to what other gaps they have in their knowledge? Like maybe they think babies come from storks? Or that money actually grows on trees?
And That's the Literal Definition of Minimum Wage
The schooling going on in this post is just overwhelming. This person pointed out that minimum wage isn't enough to live off of, and therefore that's not what it's meant for. But things got awkward when someone else pointed out that, actually, that's exactly what minimum wage means: it's supposed to provide the minimum amount of money needed for a person to have all of their - and their family's - basic needs.
But the saga continued as person 1 explained that the idea that minimum wage is supposed to be enough to live off of is just "google's definition," and not reality. And the internet thinks: "Yes, exactly, that's why we need to raise it."
Twisted Logic
The people who end up saying the stupidest things are the ones that think they are the smartest, wittiest in the room. They then proceed to share their genius ideas with the world with some big status for everyone to see, like they are doing us all a favor by bestowing their knowledge on us. Instead, they bestow us with entertainment and we get to enjoy humorous exchanges like these.
According to this guy, all of the proof we need that vaccines are bad is found in the fact that we don't put vaccines on a spoon and eat it. Technically, oral vaccines were a thing once until we moved on to more efficient methods, so this person's point is kind of moot.
Someone Has Baby Fever
This guy who thought a thermometer was a pregnancy test is just a piece of internet gold. Imagine if thermometers actually acted as pregnancy tests? Like, "you are 100% pregnant! congratulations!" Better yet, what if they also acted as ultrasounds: "It's a girl because F stands for female!" It's just too easy to roast this guy. Such an easy target. We are willing to bet this guy was never able to live this down.
We'll definitely be thinking of this guy the next time we're running a fever. Or maybe the next time someone takes a pregnancy test, we'll just pretend it's a thermometer, instead.
Please Think Before You Comment
"Don't help others until you have no problems of your own to solve!" That's what this not-so-kind commenter is really saying: System Of a Down should be ashamed for donating a million dollars to Armenia and not to the USA, their own country. But the best part of all was when this person found out that their comment was irrelevant because the System Of a Down band members are apparently Armenian! Oh, the twists and turns of Facebook.
We hope this person circled back around and gave a well-deserved apology. Once more, let's all pledge to fact-check before we tweet, comment, or post all of our uneducated opinions.
On Making "the Very Best"
No kidding, Nestle! Yes, slavery reportings may hurt your business. Most likely. We're sorry? Did we go back in time to the 1800s? Did Nestle not get the memo that slavery ended a couple of hundred years ago? Hate to break it to you, but paying employees is actually more expensive than using slaves. Shocking, we know. Guess what they told us isn't true and Nestle doesn't, in fact, make "the very best."
And not to be joyless internet users, but we must agree with Silent Shin here. If we can't have chocolate without slavery, then best not to have chocolate at all.
This Lady Who Wears Her Sunburn Like a Badge of Honor
Have you heard? Sunscreen causes cancer! Just like taking an Advil will make you sick! Or sleeping will make you tired! She uploaded her sunburn-like she was showing off a new look or something, like "check out my newest look, I call it Red Hot and it's the newest trend. I got it from THE SUN." We are a little concerned by the number of likes she got on this post but at least one person encouraged her to apply sunscreen.
What's even more baffling is how she arrived at the conclusion that sunscreen is harmful? Let's take this moment to remind everyone to always wear sunscreen! Get that SPF 50!
May the Force Be With You
Imagine sitting in history class, opening your textbook, only to find Yoda, the Jedi master from "Star Wars," sitting next to Saudi Arabia's King Faisal. To this day, it remains unclear how this picture ended up in the book and managed to escape attention until it was too late. This must go down as one of the funniest and most embarrassing mistakes in history. Surely, someone paid for it and was immediately fired.
The person who created the image is Abdullah Al Shehri, who incorporates pop culture figures into historic moments. He has stressed that he has no knowledge of how his photograph ended up in the book.
They Say Never Compromise Your Principles
Isn't it awkward when someone thinks a restaurant owes them money and, really, it's the other way around? That's what happened to Beth when she gave a $100 dollar bill fr her $47.20 meal and got back $53. Beth actually gained 20 cents from this transaction but instead accused the restaurant of robbing her of 80 cents. Oh, Beth. Even if she was right, and they owned her 80 cents, it doesn't seem something so tragic that it's worth posting over.
The best part of this post is that she gained a 20 cent discount and was still upset. We bet those 20 cents that she didn't even leave a tip.
On Celebrity Endorsements
"International conglomerate hires international superstars to make sure you support a local business that directly competes with everything that is international." Sounds about.... wrong? But celebrity endorsements aren't anything new. In fact, we have witnessed some pretty strange celeb endorsements. Like when a 64-year-old Bob Dylan starred in a commercial for Victoria's Secret, or the time Penelope Cruise dressed up as Mario for a Nintendo 3DS? We can't believe these exist.
And boy, oh boy, are we grateful they do. But anyway, back to the point. Hey, Uber Eats, your self-contradiction is showing! It's no secret local businesses can't afford the company's fees.
No Sense of Direction
If Abraham Lincoln were alive to see this, we have no doubt he would strongly resent this. However, sad as this may be, it isn't surprising. Our teachers really need a raise (this entire article illustrates this), but this one takes the cake. Your president does not, in fact, "live here" because the "here" you are talking about is the Lincoln Memorial on the 5-dollar-bill. The presidents live in the White House.
In his defense, the Lincoln Memorial and the White House kind of share a resemblance. We see how he could confuse them... Actually, sorry nope, we can't justify this. They posted it and now will have to live in shame forever.
This Person Who Wants to Eat the Cake and Have It Too
This person here is all talk and no walk. Some people are so out of touch and tone-deaf, that we wonder if they even live on the same planet as us. Maybe some men really are from Mars. It sounds like this person here thinks that they can just make the virus go away by willing it to happen with their status, which seems to be a recurring theme in these posts.
We get where he's coming from, but who says no to $2000?! If he doesn't want it, we will happily take it from him. This way he can make sure he invests more hours into work. After all, that is what he wants - more people working.